Well we've made it to 23 weeks already! We've known about this baby for longer than we have left... And it has gone by so so fast. I can hardly believe it. Less than 17 weeks to go- that's so crazy! I feel like this time around I'm a lot bigger, and that my belly popped a lot sooner. I guess that's what usually happens after your first child ha. We are getting so excited, yet it doesn't quite feel real a lot if the time. I am definitely nervous, and even though I know that I will love this baby just as much as Avery, there is a big part of me that doesn't quite know how I will be able to do that. I mean, Avery is our whole world and our lives literally revolve around her. She is my baby. I am scared about how she will handle the transition, and I don't want it to be hard on her or her to feel neglected or anything. That might be my biggest concern... How is she going to react to all the changes and not having our full attention? I think deep down I know she will be fine, but it still doesn't stop the worries I have. Change is always a scary thing. Then the other part of me can't even wait for this little girl to get here, and I can't wait to watch her and Avery bond and be great friends. I am excited to meet her and see her and hold her. I am excited that Heavenly Father is trusting us with another one of His sweet daughters. That brings me a lot of comfort when I get scared- He knows we can do this and He will be the one helping us throughout it all. He knows how scared I get wondering how we are going to do it... How I am going to do it with Hayden so busy this fall. I am trying to trust in His plan and His timing right now.
It will all work out, I know it will.
We had a scare a few weeks ago and had to go to the doctor and gets ultrasounds and checkups to make sure baby girl was ok. Luckily all the problems and bleeding was just a problem with me and nothing with the baby. It was such a scary morning and it was a crazy few weeks until everything cleared up. But ever since then I can't help but feel extremely grateful to feel her move around and kick and to know that she is growing perfectly. It makes me teary eyed. Me and Hayden just cried tears of gratitude when we saw her moving around on the ultrasound and hearing her perfect little heartbeat. If I had to sum motherhood up using only one word I would definitely choose "humbling".
I am so grateful for my little girls. It is humbling that Heavenly Father choose me and Hayden for them. It is humbling that He trusts us, and has faith in us. It is humbling to me that He trusts me. Sometimes I look at my little Avery and just can't believe that she is mine to care for. It's humbling because it literally overwhelms me when I think of the responsibility I have as her mother. I didn't have my mother around... Am I doing it right? Am I showing her I love her enough? Am I teaching her right? Am I hugging her enough? It sounds silly, but I have always been a more kept to myself person, probably because that's what I had to do. I never felt 100% comfortable and wasn't quite sure how to act because I never quite felt like I belonged or was loved instead of just put up with. It is one of my greatest fears to have Avery and my other baby girl feel that way. I want them to always know they have a home and parents who love them. I want to be their best friend and their biggest fan. I want them to feel safe and secure. I want them to experience everything a young girl should... And I want to be there for it all. I want to be there for it all with Hayden right by
My side. I'm not sure any of this makes sense, it's just random thoughts that go through my head I guess.
I would give it all up for my little girl, and for the one on the way. I just want more than anything or them to have a good happy life.
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