Being there and being grateful

As you can see, she found something delicious!

That is the last time we decide to snack on chocolate chips in our 

room late at night.

The next day she found that bag and had herself a nice little treat.

She also treated our walls and carpet to a new makeover.

Don't worry --- we got most of it out :)

She is innocent. 

She had no idea that what she was doing was a naughty thing.. she is just a curious little girl.

She has no idea about any of that.

She is just trying to figure things out ;) 

Which brings me to something I have been thinking a lot about lately.

Tonight as I rocked my baby to sleep I thought about the happenings of the day 

and what kind of day we had together. 

And I broke down crying. 

I wish so badly that I had more patience. 

How do I forget how little she is sometimes?

Yes, she makes messes and she gets into absolutely everything.. 

but is it worth getting mad and upset about it?

She is so fun and so lively. She genuinely enjoys life 

and everything it has to offer.

(Even if sometimes that means scrubbing chocolate off the carpet)

Sometimes I am afraid that I am going to hold her back.

Sometimes throughout the day I find myself saying "no" more often than I should.

I find myself on my phone or on the computer when I know I should be spending more time with her.

I find myself looking forward to her nap time just so I can have some "me - time".

I find myself putting her in the front room with her toys and sesame street just so I can clean the house. 

I find myself getting upset when she throws her food all over the floor instead of eating it. 

But these are just little things...

Yet, despite the day or how frustrated I get she always forgives me and as soon as she sees me she 

comes running into my arms.

I still am the number one in her life. 

Yesterday after a battle of trying to get her to eat dinner and her just repeatedly throwing it 

at me and on the floor, I gave up. 

I put her in the front room and I went up to my room, and we both had a good cry.

After a few minutes I came back downstairs and as soon as she saw me she started yelling 

"mama" and was laughing and came running into my arms. 

She just hug me and wanted to be held for a little while. 

It sounds silly but it was an eye opener for me. 

Being a mother is something I always dreamed of, and I absolutely love it.

But... it is hard. 

I get lonely.

I get frustrated and overwhelmed. 

I never feel like I am quite enough. 

I feel insecure.

Yet at the same time, I feel like the most blessed person in the world.

Seeing how Avery is so forgiving of me, makes my heart feel like its going to burst.

I am so grateful that she forgives me during my weak times of being a mother. 

She loves me unconditionally.

I am going to try to be more present in my daughters life. 

I am going to try to be more patient, 

more forgiving.

I am going to be more grateful for the opportunity I have to be her mother. 

She is perfectly healthy and happy and I don't want to look back with regrets. 

I am going to put distractions away and focus my time and energy in being there for her. 

Messes and all :)

Me and my girly

Me and my girl. Isn't she just so beautiful?! I am the luckiest momma. 

Lately I have been overcome with so many different emotions. I am beyond grateful to be able to be a mother and to this sweet, fiery, happy and independent little girl. She is so fun and keeps me constantly on my toes. However I have been so scared lately as well. I get super nervous about how I am supposed to raise her and teach her when we live in a world where everything is going against all that we believe. I want her to be strong and to stand up for truth and be an example to those around her, but what if what I do isnt enough? I have been praying to have faith and courage but it is hard. Can't I keep her this little forever and protect her from everything? She is my most prized possession and I don't want the wickedness in the world to corrupt her. I know I must be prayerful and do my best, and that The Lord will help me, but it still doesn't stop the fact that our world is corrupt and it's scary and my child(ren) will have to face the war that is going on outside of our home.  

We can do hard things, right? 

I will try my hardest, because I know that's all I can do. 

Snapshots

I simply cannot get enough. I love this silly girl and her little personality! She makes my heart so happy. 

Senior showcase

Hayden presented his senior project at the senior showcase and did awesome! He looked handsome in his brand new suit and rocked his presentation! So so proud of him! 

Chocolate chip pancakes

Do you think she enjoyed that chocolate chip pancake or what?! She licked her plate clean! 

Splash park fun with our favorite girls

It's no secret that Avery is obsessed with these girls. She loves her aunts so much! We are lucky to be so close to them, they are so good to our little girl. She knows exactly who they are and gets so excited and runs to them every time she sees them. She also has gotten to the point where she never wants to leave Jordan and Mel's house and she cries when they leave our house. I think it safe to say it's going to be super tough on all of us when we move for grad school. 

Because obviously one binky isn't enough, so she put two in her mouth instead:) she's so funny, she knows how to make us laugh that's for sure. 

Family night at the drive In

We went and saw how to train your dragon 2 and maleficent at the drive in last Monday and we made it through the whole thing with miss aves being SO good! She was such a champ and fell asleep on Hayden within the first half hour of the first show. After she was asleep we made her a little bed In Her car seat and put her up front and she slept the whole time. She is such a good baby, we really lucked out! 

Basketball games

Just hanging out at daddy's basketball game enjoying a delicious banana! She looks like Popeye, and I love this picture so much! The cutest part of all was watching her run up to Hayden after his game and screaming with pure delight! I know it made him feel like a million bucks. 

Church time.

Without fail Avery always waits until the last 15 minutes of church to finally decide to take her nap. This of course isn't our preference but she sure looks cute! As much as we look forward to nursery because we know she will enjoy it so much, I dont know what I will do without her! I love my little buddy. 

"Be still my beating heart"

Just enjoying her book! My favorite thing about these pictures is that we sent them to Hayden's sister Dawan and her response was 

"Be still my beating heart!" 

Sweet dreams

 There is just something incredibly beautiful about a sleeping baby, even if you are constantly finding them in funny positions like these :) 

Despite the cry face that she has, she really did love having uncle Tay-Tay come for a visit! We are lucky that so many people love our sweet Avery Sue. 

Pickles

Hayd and aves enjoying a pickle. They are definitely my people, both love pickles! They are a staple in our home:) 

Funny girl

She is seriously so funny. I was trying to take her picture and she kept pulling this face. She makes us laugh all day long every day. 

Unfortunate experience

It might be hard to tell what this is, but it is a broom stick, without the broom on the bottom. And it looks like this for a reason... It's not my most proud parenting moment but it must be remembered because looking back now it's pretty funny, but in the moment it was one of the most stressful/anxious times since becoming a parent. Long story short is that Avery locked herself in the downstairs bathroom, except she didn't actually lock the door but pulled open one of the drawers from the cabinet that just so happens to be right next to the door and it got jammed. It took 45 minutes for me and Hayden to get her out and she pretty much screamed the entire time. After about 15 minutes I became pretty hysterical and I had all sorts of scenarios going through my head, one being that Avery would get to the chemicals underneath the sink, and another being that I was going to break the door down or call the police. Anyway during all of this Hayden was supposed to be in class, but he obviously missed it due to our current circumstance. We tried everything possible but it would not budge that last little bit that we needed it to, and just as we thought we would almost get it Avery would pull it right back open. I was getting desperate an Hayden suggested that I go say a prayer upstairs so I did... But that was that. However on the way down stairs I suddenly had the idea to take the broom handle and try one last time to close the jammed bottom bathroom drawer. I took that thing, bent it in half, and with all the strength in me shoved it as hard as I could against the drawer. BOOM! It worked! My baby was free! 3 important things were learned during this besides the obvious thing to always keep the bathroom door shut. 

1: prayer works

2: the mama bear comes out when my baby is in trouble

3: Hayden was impressed and thought it was totally attractive. WIN. 

6-24-2014

She smiles for the camera and I think it's one of the cutest things ever:) 

She loves these drinks! It blows my mind how big she has gotten. She is always doing whatever she sees me and Hayden doing, it's hard to remember she is just barely a year old because she does so much stuff! So much "big girl" stuff. 

Stomach bug

Avery had the stomach flu last week. It was so sad to see her like this but we were loving all the extra snuggles:) she is feeling 100% better now! 

Grandpa Jo and Aves

So glad Janay caught this sweet moment :)